the throbbing stops
after a succession
of blows you get tired
you lose consciousness
then you
will wake up again,
you're still you...
except for some bruises
except for the shame
you're still you
after all of these
you're still you
except that you will
never again look
someone straight
in the eye.
but you're still you

after everybody regarded
you as a scum
you're still you
except that now
they will spit on you,
but you're still you

no one recognizes you
anymore
but you're still you
despite all the dirt
all the stink
and all the shame

you're still you...

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MESSAGE IN A BEER BOTTLE POISON IN A PACK

i wrote this piece a couple of years back, back when i was still a
very stupid moron. now i know better, and so much happier with
my life. the charcters i've been with in the past may have a miserable
life, and i couldn't care less...

AS THE EMBER FLICKER IN A SAD GLOW
OF POISON, THE SMOKE RISES ENTERING
MY LUNGS; FILLING IT WITH MEPHITIC
ESSENCE. AND VILE NOTIONS CONJURE
TO COME IN.
A THOUSAND SPENT FILTERS PILE, LIKE
MOUNTAINS OF FIBER CLOTHED IN RED
PAPER TUBES--ASHES FOR A HEAD
AS THE STICK SLOWLY BURN TO THE END
THE GRIM COLLECTS WHAT IS DUE:
A SECOND, A MINUTE, AN HOUR OR A DAY
THE PINKISH SOFT MASS IN MY SKULL
BLACKENS WITH SMOKE, BURNING HOLES
IGNITING NEURONS MAKING IT NUMB

INVISIBLE POISON AMALGAMATED WITH
THE SPIRIT OF VOLATILE ANAESTHETIC ALCOHOL
RENDERS MY CEREBRATION DEAD OF
SENSATION AND LOGICAL CLARITY.
WHERE SHOULD I LAY DOWN NOW?
MY BED IS UNMADE, AND FULL OF VOMIT
THE MIXTURE IS MAKING MY TONGUE THICK

AND MY HANDS TREMBLE TO A SICKENING DEGREE
EACH STEP I TAKE IS A TANGO IN TUNE
WITH DIZZINESS AND NAUSEA
NEON SIGNS PASS BY LIKE FIREFLIES
IN RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC IN THE MORNING
I SHOULDN'T HAVE DROWNED MY HEARTACHE
I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUNISHED MYSELF
BELIEVING THAT THE PAIN WOULD GO AWAY
OR THAT MY HEART WOULD BE NUMB JUST
LIKE MY BRAIN, AND MY TONGUE
THE DEMONS ARE AROUND ME NOW, GRINNING
AND LAUGHING AT MY STUPID BEHAVIOR
THEIR I-TOLD-YOU-SO'S ECHOING LOUDLY
I CAN FEEL NOW THE NICOTINE AND
THE ALCOHOL BURN MY STOMACH AND MY SKULL
MY CEREBRUM SENDING GARBLED MESSAGES,
TWISTED IMAGES PARADE BEFORE MY BLURRY EYES
YOU ARE STILL THERE; STARING AT ME, MOCKING ME.
YOU REMIND ME OF MY MISERY,
SQUEEZING MY HEART
EXTRACTING BLOOD, TURNING THAT MUSCLE INTO
A PULP OF ARTERIES AND VEINS
I WOULD STILL WAKE UP IN THE MORNING,
THE ALCOHOL WOULD VANISH AND THE SMOKE
WOULD LEAVE MY LUNGS GRAY AND UNHEALTHY
THE HANGOVER WOULD BE GONE AFTER I TAKE A BATH

BUT THE PAIN IN MY HEART WOULD REMAIN
LIKE A SCAR ON MY SKIN, LIKE A BRUISE
ON MY FOREHEAD, LIKE THE MOLE ON MY NECK
YOUR FACE IS TATTOOED ON MY MIND
AND CANNOT BE ERASED BY THE SUBSTANCE,
THE POISON THAT I TAKE...

TEMPORAL

AS ELECTRIC PULSES THROB IN THE BRAIN
SIGNALS OF PAIN ARE BLOCKED AT EVERY NERVE ENDING
LETHAL SUBSTANCES SURFING IN MY BLOODSTREAM
TRIGGERS CONVULSIONS, TREMORS SO INTENSE
IF MY MORTAL BODY SURPASSES ALL OF THESE
AND TRANSCEND THE PANGS OF FLESH EATERS
I WOULD PUT ON MY WINGS BACK
AND DREAM IN BLACK AND WHITE